Building a Christ-Centered Marriage Through Daily Choices

Build a lasting Christ-centered marriage through intention and affection, focusing on the love of Christ in your daily choices.

A marriage is built on the choices we make every day. When we choose to be annoyed about shoes left out or wet towels on the bathroom floor, we may eventually become bitter about our husband simply being in the same room. Imagine the peace of letting it go and instead enjoying the warm, yet tired smile of your husband.

When we avoid getting upset over little things and instead focus on our own responses to what annoys us, we can build a marriage on a solid foundation: the love of Christ.

A Christ-centered marriage takes intention, attention, and affection. Affection doesn’t always need to be physical. Affections of the heart go a long way. If you don’t have a heart for your husband or building a strong marriage, none of these will matter.

Abide

Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
-John 15:4-5

This is perhaps the most important principle of all. Stay closely connected to Christ every day. If we aren’t anchored in His love and living out His commands, everything becomes much harder. Putting ourselves and our feelings first can destroy a marriage. When we heed the leading of the Holy Spirit, it spares us unnecessary heartache and pettiness.

I cling to Christ before we have disagreements or miscommunications. Even after 24 years of marriage, they can still happen. Remaining close to Jesus helps me respond in a healthy, loving way.

When you learn to love God, you learn to love your husband even better. For a marriage to be solid and lasting, it must be built on the love of Christ. Your husband’s relationship with Christ also plays a significant role in the health of your marriage. But even if you’re the only one pursuing faith, that doesn’t mean God can’t work in your marriage.

Attitude

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
-Colossians 3:12-14

When your heart isn’t in the right place to begin with, strengthening your marriage becomes difficult. It really starts with attitude—yours. You can’t control your husband; you can only control yourself. Your heart drives your choices, determining whether they stem from love or mere duty.

My attitude is still something Jesus is working with me on. I feel things deeply so I need to take extra care how I handle those feelings. If I let the dirty socks get to me, I can create a negative atomosphere within our marriage. There’s a bigger picture to see. The shoes in the middle of the floor or the project left unfinished are distractions from the greater purpose.

Pray that God gives you a soft heart toward your husband and helps you see him as God does. Too often, we view our husbands through human eyes, focusing only on their behavior without understanding the reasons behind it. A little understanding goes a long way. Don’t mishear me—I’m not excusing bad behavior. But if you can look past it to see the deeper issue, you’ll have direction to pray for healing there.

Assurance

Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Encourage your husband daily. Assure him of your love and of his identity in Christ. When he texts you about a rough day, send him a verse in return, perhaps with a simple prayer. Or let him know you’re praying for him throughout the day—and then actually pray.

Over the years, my husband has learned to reach out to and rely on Christ more and more. But when he needs to vent, he’ll text me when he’s having a bad day. Sometimes, the words I offer him are like a lifeline, pulling him back to hope in Jesus.

It means a lot when he knows you’ve got his back. You can still encourage him and pray if he’s not a believer. Listen to his day when he gets home. Don’t offer advice or help unless he asks for it or you’re sure it’s welcome.

Apologize

Therefore, confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
-James 5:16

Don’t let pride prevent you from owning your part in a disagreement or argument. It usually takes two to argue, and when it escalates, there’s often fault on both sides.

If you get short or snappy, don’t underestimate the power of a genuine apology. Owning your mistakes, acknowledging them, and working to improve are healing agents in your marriage. Likewise, be quick to forgive. Forgiveness prevents bitterness and resentment from taking root. A marriage consists of two imperfect people with their own experiences and perspectives—hiccups are inevitable.

I mentioned needing to keep my attitude in check. When I slip, I’ve had my share of apologies. I need to swallow my pride and own my mistake. But you know what? It is such a weight lifted and my husband is a great forgiver. A marriage really needs two great forgivers to survive.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. –Colossians 3:13

Appreciation

Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
-1 Thessalonians 5:11

How does your husband contribute to your family and to your marriage? Take time everyday to appreiate something he does. It doesn’t need to be big. Even expressing appreciation for how hard he works for the family can mean a lot.

I know how much I apprecaite my husband, but I didn’t realize how little I expresed it to him. He does all kinds of things for me like fill up my car with gas, buy me treats, go out of his way to make sure I don’t have to. These are things I rarely ask of him but he offers and does consistently. I now make it appoint to show my appreciation so he knows how much I notice.

If your husband isn’t contributing in the capacity that you desire, start noticing the things he does do. I won’t say it’s a gaurantee he’ll start doing more, but sometimes a little appreciation can go a long way.

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Marriage is a living, evolving, divine institution, more significant than the husband or wife alone. It’s an illustration of Christ and His Bride, the Church. To build a Christ-centered marriage, Christ must be at the center—not just His Person, but His character and commands. A marriage isn’t only about the two people within it; it impacts Christ, their children, and the church community. When marriages break, so does everything else.

The Bible is full of ways to love others well, both inside and outside marriage. A marriage is never about what you can get out of it. It’s about what you pour into it. It’s about sacrifice and commitment, not feelings and personal gain. Marriage is a partnership, not a quest for momentary happiness or convenience.

Disclaimer if you’re in a destructive/abusive marriage:

The Bible condemns behaviors like manipulation, gaslighting, lying, cheating, and control. God doesn’t excuse these sins; they grieve Him (Ephesians 4:30). A spouse exhibiting such patterns is accountable before God, not absolved by the other’s faithfulness.

Repetitive negative behaviors are often symptoms of something greater, like unhealed trauma or unresolved anger.

If your marriage involves manipulation, control, or abuse, know that Christ sees your pain. Centering Him doesn’t mean tolerating harm—it means finding strength to seek safety, set boundaries, and trust Him to work even in brokenness. The Bible condemns sin against you (Proverbs 6:16-19), and God offers refuge (Psalm 46:1). Seek wise counsel to navigate this with hope.

In His Grace,

Christin, xoxo

Christin Slade