Marriage thrives on good communication. These 8 communication tips will help your marriage build a foundation for growth.

Have you ever had an entire conversation with your husband in your head? I’m outing myself here because I don’t think my husband knows I’ve done this — but I’m sure he’s done it, too!

Basically, I will present my thoughts to him, imagining how he will respond and then respond. I have an imaginary dialogue with him! And often, I get worked up about what I think he will say.

I don’t recommend this at all. Talk about creating problems where there are no problems! This is a good time to take every thought captive. Satan would love nothing more than for you to get mad at your husband over a conversation that never actually happened!

Instead of wasting our time imagining the response he may give, spend that time praying about the conversation you want to have and that both your hearts will be able to hear and receive the other’s words.

When it comes to communicating, there are some tactics we should avoid and tools we should embrace.

4 Don’ts to Avoid

1. Do Not Assume

When we make assumptions about what our husband is (or is not) trying to say without asking for clarification, it can lead to a misunderstanding. If you aren’t sure what your spouse is trying to say, simply ask. These assumptions can easily be created inside those imaginary conversations.

2. Do Not Accuse

Be ever so careful not to make accusations before getting clarification. Those pesky little assumptions can make us believe the worst about our spouse and we need to try to think the best of their intentions before knowing the whole of the story. Creating false scenarios in your head will not help with this.

3. Do Not Abstain

Do not avoid talking with your husband. If you have dreams or news to share or concerns to address, let him know! Be intentional about spending time just talking with your husband. Some days he may lead the conversation with his thoughts, other days it should be you.

4. Do Not Abuse

Do not use your words to manipulate or mistreat your husband. It seems obvious, but women can use their words as weapons just as easily as men. You must be careful about how you approach a situation. Using your words to control or exploit your husband is not godly. When these situations happen regularly and become a pattern, they move from mistakes to abuse. Don’t fall into this trap. Use your words honorably.

4 Do’s to Embrace

1. Do acknowledge

It’s helpful to appreciate when your husband communicates with you. Also, if he shares his day with you, acknowledge him talking. Don’t interrupt or try to offer advice. Just listen attentively.

2. Do adjust

Be willing to adapt a bit to communicate well. Sometimes, it can come off as it feels like you’re asking permission to do something. Instead, you are courteous enough to talk with your husband about your plans so he’s in the loop. Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes, we must adjust our way of doing things to be better communicators.

3. Do admit

Accept and take responsibility when you’re wrong—about anything, not just communicating. It’s important that when we recognize we’re at fault for something, we admit it to our husband. This is a significant form of communication—repentance. It brings healing and closure.

4. Do affirm

Use your words to speak life into your husband, and often. Communication isn’t just about exchanging information. It’s about using our words to build one another up. Affirm and encourage each other.

Remember that your body language communicates just as much, maybe even more than your words. Your facial expressions tell a story of their own. If something is bothering you, be honest about it. Even if you feel it’s silly or selfish and bothers you. Talking about it can help clear the air.

Your connection with your husband and your marriage as a whole can grow deeper and more incredible when you are intentional about cultivating it everyday.

Disclaimer: This article is addressed to wives who are in relatively healthy or perhaps even difficult marriages. It is not meant for women who are in emotionally or physically abusive marriages. If that is you, I encourage you to check out Leslie Vernick, who specializes in destructive marriages.

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