Experience the beauty of a God-centered marriage. Prioritize your relationship with Christ and discover the blessings that come with investing in your marriage.
Each heart in a marriage needs to be truly connected with God and want more of Him in their lives. Otherwise, these statues only become legalistic or weaponized. The only times the Word should be used as a weapon is against our own fleshly desires and against Satan. When we follow God’s Word, it’s for His glory, not our own gain. Yet, the beauty of it is that God uses our obedience to bless us!
I will be so bold as to say if your relationship with Christ isn’t priority in your life or you have sin, you need to focus on that first. You need to get your heart right with the Lord before you will be able to work on any other relationship, especially one so precious as your marriage.
When we receive God as our Authority, we have less trouble with wanting to follow His commands. However, when we want to be lord over our own lives, we don’t like that God has a way of doing things that are contrary to what our flesh would choose.
Let’s talk about these key essential elements in marriage that God asks us to do as wives and also as husbands. I will say, I think husbands have a greater responsibility of contributing to the marriage than wives which is why I believe God created women to help them. That doesn’t necessarily mean the wife’s role is easy though. But it is rewarding when both husband and wife work together in unity.
This list is not exhaustive, as there are many things we as individual Christians are called to. But these 10 in particular are for marriage—5 for wives and 5 for husbands.
5 Ways God Calls Wives to Invest in Her Husband and Marriage
1. Submit to Your Husband
(Ephesians 5:22-24)
This command always catches some heat and I completely understand why, especially within certain denominations. This verse can be used as a weapon against wives who have abusive husbands—whether physically or emotionally. That behavior does NOT honor God. It is sin and needs to be called out as such. Having said that, these verses are still the Word of God. We need not throw them out because they are widely abused. They are sacred and holy and meant to be followed in a way that honors God and how He loves and honors His daughters. They are given to wives and not husbands. In other words, it is for the wife to obey in the manner in which they were intended by the Lord and not for the husband to demand and abuse. Submitting means surrendering your desires for the needs of your husband. This is an act of sacrifice. Our own fleshly desires shouldn’t come before the real needs of our husbands. I’m not talking about intimacy. That’s another topic for another time. Submitting means yielding to the authority of our husbands. Make no mistake, their authority must be godly or it’s a sin.
2. Respect Your Husband
(Ephesians 5:33)
Following the command for husbands to love their wives is for wives to respect their husbands. Respect doesn’t mean you have to agree. It simply means you treat a situation and your husband in a dignified manner. Treat your husband as a child of God. This doesn’t include covering up or ignoring sin. On the contrary, being treated as a child of God means lovingly calling out sin. But even in this circumstance, it can be done respectfully. Respect isn’t the same as obedience.
The Bible isn’t telling us to obey our husbands no matter what they say or do. But if your husband makes a mistake, for example, it would be disrespectful to go and tell the world about it. If your husband comes to you with an idea you think is silly and don’t agree with, don’t badger him or make fun of him or tell him how stupid he is. That’s disrespectful. However, if you feel unsafe, physically or emotionally. around your husband, you need to tell someone you trust. You need to talk to someone if something feels “off” in your marriage.
3. Love & Support Your Husband
(Titus 2:4-5)
Love is defined in 1 Corinthians 13. When you love your husband, you are patient and kind. You aren’t envious of him or boastful of yourself. You do not allow pride to corrupt your relationship. When we love our husbands, we will not dishonor them. In other words, we won’t shame them or embarrass them. Loving your husband means seeking to please him above yourself. It means not being easily angered and you don’t tally up all the mistakes he’s made and use them against him. Loving your husband includes rejecting things that are evil and embracing and rejoicing in God’s truth. When you love your husband, you will protect him from evil. Loving him means trusting God, putting your hope in God, and being steadfast in His truth. Our husbands are human. They will make mistakes. Love is perfect because love is God. It never fails, even when people fail us.
1 Peter 4:8 says, Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins.
Don’t hear what I’m not saying: Forgiveness comes from love but love also holds others accountable. Love covering a multitude of sins is about forgiveness, it is not about covering up sin. Repeated sin especially, needs to be dealt with and brought to light.
4. Be Virtuous & Diligent
(Proverbs 31:10-31)
As a wife, you need to be a woman of virtue. Conduct yourself in a godly manner and seek the Lord diligently. This passage in Proverbs has become a hot topic among wives over the years. What one woman can hope to live up to all of that?! The point of the verse is to draw out the virtues of a woman of excellence. They aren’t necessarily commands to follow but guidelines to take into account. This is one way an excellent wife conducts her life. But it is not the only way. Consider some of the key phrases you can focus on and adapt to your relationship and life with your husband:
her husband trusts her
she does him good
she works in delight
she begins her day early
she manages her resources responsibly
she helps care for the needy
she is not afraid for her family
she has strength and dignity
she is wise and kind
she looks to the needs of her home
she is not lazy or idle
she fears the Lord
You could never accomplish this work on your own but God can work in you to make it so.
5. Pray for Your Husband
(Ephesians 6:18)
Nothing is more powerful for a believer than prayer. Prayer works in the unseen parts of our lives. God may not always give us what we want in the way we think we want it. However, prayer has the power to not only do a deep work in us but in others also. Praying for your husband is one of the most powerful ways you can support Him. You can pray for him when he struggles, you can rejoice when God’s favor is upon him. You can pray for a deeper relationship with God and for courage and strength and wisdom. There is no end to the things you can pray. It doesn’t always need to be a list, but prayer is communion with God. Yes, you can and should pray on behalf of your husband, but allow prayer to work in your heart as well.
Bonus: How to Submit to an unsaved or disobedient husband
(1 Peter 3:1-2)
Not every husband is saved or submitted to God and that’s a tough place to be. When you have differing values it can put things into disunity. Some husbands use God’s word as a weapon as a means of controlling their wives. This is not honoring to God and I would dare say if a husband is doing this, he is not saved by the loving grace of God. If he were, he would not act in this manner. He couldn’t. Light and dark cannot occupy the same space.
Righteousness and lawlessness cannot be in fellowship together. But God can use you if you’ll let Him. When your husband is disobedient, he could be won over by your silent prayers, your honorable behavior, and remaining respectful by not badgering or belittling him.
Husbands, if you find yourself nodding along with all that is asked of your wife in your marriage, I hope you will continue to nod as you learn what is asked of you. You are held accountable to God for your actions. If not on this earth, then on the day of judgment. Same as your wife. That’s not meant to be a scare tactic, but a reality check. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. (Proverbs 9:10).
5 Ways God Calls a Husband to Invest in His Wife and Marriage
1. Love your wife sacrificially
(Ephesians 5:25)
The kind of love that husbands are asked to love their wives with is the same love Christ loves His church with—a love so selfless that it required Him dying on a cross.
How else did Christ love His church?
He taught. He served. He fellowshipped. He healed. He prayed. He forgave. He put the needs of the Church above Himself and His own comfort.
This is in addition to what love is as it’s listed in 1 Corinthians 13.
2. Lead your family with humility and wisdom
(Ephesians 5:23)
Leading your family is a position of humility not prideful arrogance. Godly wisdom is absolutely necessary to do this in a righteous way so as a husband, you must be in the Word and connected with God daily to make sure you are making good decisions that affect the family.
As a husband and father, you need to be leading your wife and children to the Lord not only through teaching but by your example. If you’re teaching what you’re not living out, you’ll only be seen as a hypocrite and your family will likely not follow. Don’t dishonor God by dishonoring, misleading, or mistreating your family.
3. Provide for Your Family
(1 Timothy 5:8)
It is the husband’s responsibility to work and provide for your family. It seems like this would be obvious but the fact that it is drawn out in Scripture makes me wonder if there were common issues with this even in biblical times.
When there is no income, a family cannot eat or have shelter. This is one of your greatest responsibilities as a husband and Scripture says if you don’t care for your relatives, especially your immediate household, you’ve denied the faith and are worse than an unbeliever. That’s not something to take lightly!! This is a basic responsibility of the husband.
The needs of your family and household must come before your wants, desires, or comfort. Period.
4. Respect and Honor Your Wife
(1 Peter 3:7)
Be considerate and respectful of your wife. Don’t belittle her, embarrass her, or disregard her. Don’t manipulate her, use her, or blame her for your mistakes. When you truly love someone, you won’t want to be rude, disrespectful, or abusive to them.
Sometimes we slip up in the heat of the moment and disrespect slips out from high emotions. In this rare instance, repentance and forgiveness are in order. However, this should not be the norm.
Your wife is like fine china. She ought to be treated with care. Failing to do so will hinder your prayers. God holds us accountable for our actions. It may not be immediately, but eventually.
5. Nurture and Cherish Your Wife
(Ephesians 5:28-29)
If you care for yourself because you love yourself, you should also care for your wife because you love her. When you and your wife got married, you became one flesh. When you care for your wife, you care for yourself. If you care for yourself, you ought to also care from your wife. It seems a simple enough concept yet it’s something that needed to be pointed out in Scripture. Don’t miss this. If for some reason you struggle to care for yourself, you need to learn to. Because until you can care for yourself, you won’t be able to care for anyone else.__
Consider how glorious your marriage would be if you both followed these commands! It’s not impossible with God!! God would not ask something of us if His Spirit living in us could not help us carry it out. If you are struggling to deny those fleshly desires or are being overrun by strong emotions, pray! Pray for God to help you. He will! Do not give in to what you know isn’t honoring to God.
When we align ourselves with the will and Word of God, our marriage will be blissful and blessed.
For Further Reading: Why Worldly Wisdom Doesn’t Work for Godly Marriages
