Crush the perfect mom myth. Perfection is an enemy of progress. Sometimes, we don’t bother trying if we can’t be perfect at it. We rob ourselves and our children with this mentality.
The Perfect Mom is a Myth
I think we need to finally accept that reality. We beat ourselves up so much about something that simply is not within our reach; that is not reality. There is nothing we can do to change that fact. Sin is ingrained in our very beings, just like blood running through our veins. I thank God for sending Jesus to cleanse us of something we couldn’t do ourselves.
It’s not about accepting defeat or even accepting sin but accepting reality and learning to live within our imperfections. How do we deal with them? Some things are within our reach. We can work to keep the connections between our children strong and constant. We can do that; we must do that, especially because of our imperfections.
We’re bound to mess up and make mistakes. Even when we learn from our mistakes, we’ll make new mistakes. Yet, we can remain connected with our children by owning up to those mistakes. We can keep that bond tight by admitting when we’ve wronged them. When we’ve yelled at them or overcompensated a consequence or just said something downright stupid.
We can trust that God will fill in the gaps where we fall short with our children. We cannot be their everything. The perfect mom myth says we are to be all things for our children at all times and it’s not only impossible, it’s not our job.
Make a Heart Connection
Our relationships with our children go deeper than just following the leader. Yes, setting an example is important. But connecting with our children, heart to heart will make a greater impact than being far removed from them and trying to get them to follow us.
When I sit and listen to my teenage son about Minecraft or a Marvel show he’s interested in, I’m making a connection with him through time spent listening to what interests him. Heart connections aren’t made just by sharing what’s important to us with our children but by listening to what’s important to them as well. We need to check our hearts and make sure it’s not operating out of frustration or exasperation.
No parent is perfect. Period. And we will never reach that place. But connection is definitely within our grasp and we should be quick to utilize these opportunities often.
Our children are eager to follow someone, and they can only follow us if we are actually walking out our faith. Talking about all the things we should be doing, without doing them, will only teach our children to be hypocrites. Encouraging them to seek the Lord and praying fervently for them is all we can do, especially as they become teenagers and young adults.
Get Intentional
How can we be intentional about connecting with our children? Sometimes we don’t recognize the opportunities until they’ve passed us by.
That’s when we create the opportunities. We become intentional about what each of our children needs and find a way to consistently make a connection.
My dear friend Lisa and her husband Matt have these wonderful books full of ideas to make these connections.
100 Ways to Love Your Son: The Simple, Powerful Path to a Close and Lasting Relationship
100 Ways to Love Your Daughter: The Simple, Powerful Path to a Close and Lasting Relationship
An example for your daughter(s):
“Ask her real questions. This kind of closeness comes from seeking. They won’t necessarily volunteer what’s on their hearts and minds. They need us to ask, and they need us to care about their answers.”
An example for your son(s):
“Make him believe you like to be with him. Loving your son requires that you demonstrate, in meaningful ways, that you genuinely enjoy being with him. A simple, practical way is to invite him to come along with you on one of the many simple outings you might take in the normal course of living, such as a trip to the grocery store or pharmacy.”
I encourage you to check them out!
More and more this verse keeps coming back to me,
Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.
Ephesians 5:15-16
We are living in very troubled times, and the future is uncertain at this point. We need to use our time wisely and be deliberate about building solid relationships with our children. They don’t just happen on their own.
How can you start being intentional about connecting with your children on a daily basis?
