Marriage can feel like a puzzle with missing pieces. You see other couples sharing laughter, hugs, and quiet understanding, and you wonder why those moments feel so rare in your own home.
Last month, my husband and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. It’s a milestone very special to us and also unique in today’s age. Many of our friends didn’t make it to 10 years.
My husband and I went through a very difficult, bordering on destructive, season in our marriage where we weren’t sure we were going to make it. By the grace of God and with focused work on both sides, we not only survived but are thriving.
Marriages are struggling because people don’t know who they are in Christ. There is often healing that needs to happen in one or both spouses.
A healthy, biblical marriage isn’t built by accident; it’s built with purpose and rooted in Christ. There are many things out of your control, but there is a powerful way to nurture a strong, Christ-centered marriage through prayer and purposeful steps of faithfulness.
Prayer is a powerful beginning, but follow-through is still crucial. A changed heart will precede changed actions.
Here are 12 areas you can pray over and pursue in your marriage:
1. Growth in Christ
A healthy, biblical marriage doesn’t happen by chance. It’s shaped slowly with purpose, with prayer, and with hearts willing to grow. There will always be things beyond your control, but one of the most powerful ways to strengthen your marriage is to invite God into it through prayer and small, faith-filled steps each day.
Pray God will strengthen your faith and practice gratitude every day for the good and the hard. Our character is most refined through the hard. Will we allow life’s struggles to make us broken or brave?
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. -Colossians 2:6-7
2. Unity & Oneness
Pray that as you both seek the Lord, you come into unity with one another. When you both have the mind of Christ, your marriage will thrive in harmony.
What does it truly mean to be in unity and oneness? It doesn’t mean you’ll always agree on everything. But it does mean you can let go of things that don’t truly matter to embrace the bigger picture.
Oneness comes down to thinking of yourself less and of your husband more. That doesn’t mean to think less of yourself, but to consider the needs of your husband above your own. (And he would consider your needs above his own).
With this in mind, though, it’s not about pushing our husbands into thinking about our needs. It’s the job of the Holy Spirit to woo his heart. When we are wholly surrendered to Christ, our deepest needs will be met by Him. Pray that you and your husband will see the needs of the other and have the desire to meet them simply because you love each other and want the best for each other.
Complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. -Philippians 2:2
3. Love & Affection
Ask God to teach you to love well and be prepared for it to be a lifelong journey — because it is. It’s something you need to truly practice every day. The love passage in 1 Corinthians is a deep treasure trove of ways to practically love your husband every day. Some may come easier for you than others.
Pray that God would stir up more love in more ways, in hard ways; in ways the world would consider crazy. Where someone else would say, “I could never do that”. Because as we live for Christ, He lives through us and empowers us to do the impossible.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4–7
4. Faithfulness & Purity
The number of extramarital affairs inside the Church is staggering and shocking. It’s vital we guard our hearts from sexual immorality.
It means avoiding those romance novels that fill the heart and mind with lustful thoughts and desires. They have no place in a Christian home. God created marriage, not only to give us the gift of sharing our life with someone truly special to us, but also to illustrate the relationship between God and His Bride: Us. The Church.
Pray for your heart to remain steadfast and faithful to the vows you made to your husband. Pray your heart and mind would think on good and lovely things. Pray this also for your husband.
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4
5. Communication & Understanding
Perceived wrongs are one of the most common causes of conflict, offense, and unnecessary hurt. It stems from preconceived motives, lack of clarity, and understanding. Instead of jumping to the worst conclusion, ask for clarification.
Pray that God would help you be more apt to listen than to speak. Listening is a skill we sometimes need to learn and practice.
If your spouse is condescending, rude, and belittling, sit down when you’re both calm and have a conversation about how this form of communication makes you feel.
On the other hand, if your husband feels some of your communication is hurtful or demeaning, listen to him and pray that God would work in your heart to speak more honorably and lovingly.
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. -James 1:19
6. Forgiveness & Grace
It’s no surprise we often desire or maybe expect people to extend us grace and forgiveness when we make a mistake.
Are you doing the same for your husband? The Bible says love covers a multitude of sins and that we ought to love one another deeply. (1 Peter 4:8)
Jesus demonstrated this very thing when He died for us on the cross. I don’t say this to bring guilt, just a reminder that Jesus wouldn’t ask us to do anything He hasn’t done Himself. If we want to become more like Jesus, if we truly want to love Him through our actions, this is the way— loving through the hardest of the hard.
Pray God gives you the courage and strength to forgive and walk in grace. It’s hard when we’re on the receiving end of the hurt because it seems like forgiveness releases someone of consequences, but it doesn’t; it releases you from being prisoner to them and the pain.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. -Ephesians 4:32
7. Peace & Protection
Pray for peace for your husband and protection over your marriage. Make no mistake, anything and everything will be working to divide you. You need to be ready for battle. You need to be prepared to recognize it’s not your husband who is the enemy, it’s the principalities of this world, our own self-serving desires, and Satan who seeks to destroy anything good.
Does that mean your husband has no responsibility for his actions? Certainly not. It just means there’s more at work here than what meets the eye. Most likely, your husband is operating out of shame and doesn’t know who He is in Christ: a beloved son. The impact of identity is one we often underestimate.
Be prepared to protect what you have and fight for what you don’t have. Pray for both your hearts to be guarded by the Holy Spirit.
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4:7
8. Friendship & Companionship
Friendship with your husband is a whole new level of fun! Doing life together isn’t only about all the responsibilities and challenges you face every day: the bills, the kids, the lack of time to fit it all in.
Friendship and companionship turn the mundane and stressful aspects of life into an opportunity for teamwork and being thoughtful about spending fun times together. You rely on each other to get through the hard and recognize you’re on the same team. Learn to enjoy being together.
Pray that God provides opportunities for you and your husband to become real friends and truly enjoy one another.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. -Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
9. Strength in Trials
When trials come, and they will, establishing that friendship will be important.
Pray that God gives you both wisdom as you navigate trials. Remember you’re in this together. Lean on each other for encouragement.
There is hope through every single trial. Pray for the joy and patience needed to endure through each trial together. Invite God into your struggles and allow Him to give you both peace. Trust Him through every step. He is trustworthy.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. -Romans 12:12
10. Intimacy & Romance
Intimacy comes as an overflow of everything else. If there is no connection, no teamwork, no companionship, no communication or forgiveness, intimacy and romance will be a huge challenge or non-existent. Sex without intimacy is just sex.
While we have a duty to each other in some respect, it cannot be forced by the other person. It is something that we each must personally choose and take responsibility for. Romance and intimacy typically suffer when other areas of the marriage are already strained. Everything here is tied together.
Pray that God give you the wisdom and desire you need for intimacy. Intimacy isn’t intimacy if it’s one-sided. You both matter.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. -1 Corinthians 7:3–4
11. Family & Legacy
Building a family and leaving a legacy begins with purpose and heart. Although everything may not turn out the way you expect, God is faithful. When you are faithful to show up, He blesses.
Decide together how you want your family to be rooted and bear fruit. What do you want to leave your children with as they grow and move on? Even if they are already grown, you still have the opportunity to leave a legacy between the two of you.
What are you unwilling to compromise? What are you willing to fight for?
Pray that God would give you direction and wisdom—not just once but regularly. Pray that you would both hold fast to the values God holds and you would always seek relationship with Him first so it spills out into every other relationship.
But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. -Joshua 24:15
12. Mission & Purpose Together
Once the kids are grown and independent, the two of you will be what’s left together. You will be doing life together for a long time if you choose to work hard at it. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to someone and something bigger than yourself. It’s a mirror of your relationship with God. If your relationship with God is nonexistent, your marriage will suffer.
Your first mission is to the gospel. Your marriage tells a story to everyone around you. You get to choose what that story is but know this: marriage isn’t only about you and your husband. It’s also about every person in your circle, starting with your children. It’s about everyone watching. It’s a true visual of your relationship with God. Are we fighting for it?
Sometimes God asks us to love with a kind of selflessness in marriage that doesn’t come naturally.
Pray that He gives you the strength to do and endure the impossible while He’s still working. Pray that His light shines through your marriage. Your marriage could be the very gospel someone else encounters.
You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden… let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. -Matthew 5:14–16
Final Note
If there is no hope to save the marriage because of destructive cycles and an unrepentant spouse, that doesn’t mean your story ends and you don’t matter. Does God hate divorce? Yes. Because it tears people, families, and communities apart. It breaks a covenant He takes very seriously.
BUT…
He hates pride, slander, and hearts that devise evil. He finds violence (words included), manipulation, and oppression deeply detestable. If you are living in such a way that your husband feels more like your enemy than your companion, that’s not a godly marriage.
Pride is a sin we underestimate. It’s not only someone thinking too big of themselves; it’s someone being unrepentant because they won’t admit they’ve sinned against you and hurt you.
This will be deeply personal for each relationship, and I encourage you to seek godly counsel if you find yourself in this place.
A marriage without prayer and grace-driven effort is like a garden without water. A good, healthy, godly marriage is built on hard and consistent work, built on the foundation of Christ. When we are solely led by our own interests, trying to make life work together will be a huge challenge.
Serving our husbands sometimes means setting aside our own desires. It takes consistency and dedication, and in today’s world, it can feel countercultural. Yet surrendering our hearts to the Lord in this way brings His purposes to life in our marriages.
I’ve created a free printable and condensed version of this guide you can tuck in your Bible or prayer journal to remind you to pray each day for your marriage. Click here to get yours.
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Savoring Him,
Christin
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