I’m not a perfect mom, and I don’t have perfect kids.
The Challenge of Living Out God’s Word
Living out God’s word isn’t always easy. Sometimes, I reluctantly gave in to worldly desires for myself and my kids because it was easier–like certain movies or TV shows. But the truth is, the world will influence them if they aren’t guarding their hearts as they own their faith. I didn’t live the best example by compromising in that area because it was easier in that moment.
Yes, we are called to a higher standard of living, according to the Bible. No, it’s not often easy—but anything worth doing or having is not easy. Living as a Christian puts you against the grain of pretty much everything else in this world. But God promises to always be near and to take heart because He has overcome the world. Which means we can, too.
The Influence of Social Media
As parents, we’re afraid of the influences social media will have on our kids — but what about the influence it has on us? Who are we comparing ourselves to? Whose convictions are we adopting when God never called us to claim that other mom’s story?
The Problem with Parenting Books
This is one problem with “how-to” parenting books—the authors share their convictions, their family values, their life experiences, and their children’s unique bents. So, when we read them, it’s within the framework of THEIR STORY, and, of course, it’s going to make sense FOR THEM.
I have a library full of parenting books I read as my children grew up. Even now, I have a handful of books on parenting teens—because, friend, it is very different. But none of these books know MY kids or their unique needs, struggles, questions, doubts, pressures, etc.
I would work to apply their parenting principles to our family, and they would fall flat. So, I’d move on to the next parenting book, and the cycle continued. I was trying to fit our family into someone else’s box. It’s unfortunate that we can’t see all our mistakes until they are behind us because there are some things I would have changed as a mom.
Trusting God with Our Children
But since I can’t, I need to trust that God will work in the hearts of my children to undo any confusion I’ve caused and replace it with His truth for their lives.
Susan Yates said in her post, “Help, I’m Ruining My Kids,”
“Your ability to ruin your child is not nearly as great as God’s power to redeem her.”
Thank God. THANK GOD!!!
Recognize Your Limitations
We aren’t perfect people. We will not be perfect moms, and we will not have perfect children. The faster we come to grips with this truth, the quicker we will listen to God for His wisdom rather than leaning on our own or that of a [well-meaning] parenting book that knows nothing of your family culture.
All of our kids are going to grow up a little messed up, despite our best efforts. Sometimes in our attempt to do better than our parents did, we overcompensate and then just make completely different mistakes.
My kids didn’t grow up with my story or my husband’s. But in some ways, we raised them as if they did. In many ways, I protected them, but in other ways, I held too tightly. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but there was definitely fear laced into my parenting—and nothing good is ever accomplished with fear. I feared I would mess them up. I feared they’d reject Christ. I feared something bad would happen to them. Fear is a mother’s worst nightmare, and we need to kick it out because it will cause damage.
As our kids grow and their brains mature, they begin to take on an independence of their own. I have always kept the door of conversation open with my kids. We talk about culture, issues, how things do or don’t align with God’s Word, and how we are to respond (or not respond) as Christians.
Teaching God’s Values
One thing I wish I had made more apparent while raising my teenagers (and there’s still time) is that the values I teach come straight from God’s word. I don’t make them up, and they aren’t mine. They’re His. If you choose to live for Christ, you must abide by His word. You don’t get to just do whatever you want. That’s not freedom. It seems like it would be, but it’s not. It’s opening ourselves up to the world and the schemes and lies of the Enemy when we don’t protect our hearts with godly (not selfish or self-serving) boundaries.
The more our kids let in values that don’t line up with God’s word, the more they adopt them and then live them. We must be vigilant in directing and redirecting our kids’ values to what is honoring to God. But that doesn’t mean, in the end, they will choose that path.
Our children are the Lord’s before they are ours. He loves them with a fierceness we couldn’t even comprehend. Our job is to point them to Jesus, and that’s literally all we can do.
Our Children’s Choices
Despite our mistakes as parents — and everyone will have them — our kids will eventually have a choice to make about how they live. They will choose whether to hear the Lord or lean on their own understanding. They will choose whether they want to live for Him or live for themselves. And it will be their choice to make and to own. Their choices are theirs.
The Power of Prayer
We still have a powerful role in the lives of our children and that’s through prayer. I’ve seen God work in my kids’ lives through prayer. It’s not a last resort — it’s first response.
These are books I highly recommend if you need some direction on what to pray for your kids:
Praying the Scriptures for Your Children
Praying the Scriptures for Your Teens
Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children
Don’t expect yourself to be a perfect mom because you will find yourself failing in that impossible standard and it will rob you of all your joy. Instead, be a mom who seeks God and rests in trusting Him with the seeds you plant. Plant the seeds but don’t dig them up in fear trying to see if they’re sprouting. Water them with prayer and live for Christ in your day-to-day life as you bring your children with you.
Quote God’s word often. As your children go out into the world and have questions, respond with “God’s Word says…” They will learn that the values instilled aren’t just yours; they’re His.
Verses to read:
Romans 3:23 | Galatians 6:9 | John 16:33 | Romans 12:2 | Proverbs 3:5-6 | Isaiah 55:8-9 | Philippians 4″6-7 | 2 Corinthians 12:9 | 1 John 4:18 | Deuteronomy 6:6-7 | Pslam 119:105 | Proverbs 22:6 | Jeremiah 29:11 | Joshua 24:15
