Embracing personal growth is about discovering the powerful journey of bridging the gap between your ideal self and your current self.
It’s been a minute since I’ve done an update on me or my personal life. I mean, life is holding pretty steady — it’s not without its challenges but God is steadfast and is sustaining me.
The Power of the Mind
Something that He’s been opening my eyes to is the large gap between the person I want to be, the person I think I am, and the person I actually am.
The mind is a powerful thing and it can trick us into believing that the person we want to be is the person we are, but often it doesn’t come out the way we’d hope. I tend to allow my frustrations, failures, and the finite of time get the better of me, and my emotions come out all wrong. I am impatient and unhappy with where I think I should be, and it tends to spill over onto the people I love.
Then I withdraw with feelings of failure, inadequacy, and embarrassment. Because in my head, I’m not that person. But in real life, I am. It’s sobering, humbling, and I need to change it. I need real-life me to line up with the picture in my head as much as possible. I have a vision of who I want to be and for years, I thought I was.
I thought I was kind but I’m more tense. I thought I was a servant but only if it serves me, too. I thought I was a giver and yes, I used to be! But I stopped giving because I didn’t receive in return. Ooof. Some tough truths to swallow. My heart without Jesus is ugly. And I don’t like that.
A Desire for Growth
I want to please my Father in heaven. I know through Jesus I am washed clean…but I can still please Him and walk out my faith. He desires that I do! I want Him to be pleased with me because I trust Him and I want to show Him and those around me that I truly love and care for them—whether they deserve it or not; whether they show appreciation or not. I want to love. Period. I have so much love in me to give that’s been held back by hurt—it’s not serving anyone to hold it in; including me.
I’ve always wanted to be different — set apart — from most people. But as I’ve gotten older, I’m having a harder time staying committed to the endeavors I take on. It’s like, I want to be different but end up not wanting to put the hard work and grit into what that actually entails. I tell myself I do, but my actions tell another story.
I want to start a business but I don’t want to put the work in on social media. I don’t want to do video or learn video editing. But in this era, it’s a must. That’s where the people are.
I want to be active and healthy but I make excuses for not getting out for my walks and going to the gym. I do not discipline myself enough to say “no” to treats at night. I do great all day long, but at night, I eat the sweets. Every night. Like an addiction.
I want to build a garden and clean up my yard but I don’t get outside to put the work in. Instead, I watch videos of other people doing the things I want to do. I watch them create the ideas I have in my head but never put the work in to make it come to life for myself.
Then I wrestle back with the idea of being on social media and would I really be helping people or hindering them?
The struggle is real, y’all. And I’m about fed up with myself.
The Lord Has Work for Me to Walk With Him
God has set before me all these wonderful things to do and I feel completely unfulfilled because I’m not doing them well at all. It’s the work of the Lord and doing this work helps me walk with Him in my life. God didn’t save me so I could be lazy and live life through someone else’s life. He saved me so I could walk with HIM in my life.
How exciting is that!? Oh, so exciting and that is the revelation He just gave me as I’m sitting here writing this to you today. Writing has always been an avenue in which God speaks to me, through me, and clarifies things for me.
That’s one reason I’m so hesitant about getting into video. But, knowing God, He’ll likely meet me there, too, because this is the work He has called me to. I know I didn’t come up with these ideas on my own. They are all His and He will see them to completion because they are the work of growing and refining me. Teaching me discipline, focus, serving and loving others and best of all, doing it hand-in-hand with my Father!
Prayer
Thank you, Jesus for opening my eyes to what you want me to work on together with you for the growth of my heart but also in the service of others. None of my work is for me alone. It’s all to serve and bless others. Help me grab and hold onto that truth—that this isn’t about me. It’s about you and your glory first and serving others through the gifts and talents you have given me. Help me steward them better and help me become the person I envision in my head in actual reality. And please help me learn good filming and video editing. Give me a desire for it and lots of patience to do it. Amen!
*Coffee Talk is when I share on the more personal side: updates on my life, my struggles, my walk with Jesus, my dreams.
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