Why This Case Matters for the Church

I think anyone who has been following this case is pretty confident Caleb Flynn is guilty of killing his wife. This case isn’t just about them. This is a wake-up call for the Church. (As is the JP Miller and Mica case).

I don’t typically watch court cases like this, but this grabbed my attention for several reasons.

1. The people involved claim to be Christians and were leaders in the church
2. They were part of an Assemblies of God church
3. I wanted to know what went on in their minds that led to this kind of destructive outcome

As a Christ-follower, part of me needs to understand how this happens to people who claim to follow Christ. But frankly, the Bible explains how they got there. The Bible details the destruction of sin and selfish, lustful desires.

Affairs and Sexual Misconduct in the Church

Obviously, having an affair doesn’t always lead to murder. But it never leads anywhere good. In this particular case, they gave in to an affair as Christians, and as leaders in the church, yet they are supposed to be above reproach.

The story of affairs and sexual misconduct in the Church is becoming way too common a tale. I know this isn’t necessarily new news but it sure is disheartening and it certainly makes the Church and Jesus look realllly bad. Who would ever want to come to a God where so much sin, unaccountability, and covering up is taking place? Like, why would anyone want to be associated with people who judge the world while secretly swimming in their own sinful acts? Sin never happens in a vacuum. It hurts everyone.

We need to recognize how the deception and lure of an affair (or any ongoing sin) can lead down such a dark road. Spoiler alert: it’s detailed in the Bible.

The number of compromises that lead to where they are now is significant. Again, murder isn’t always the endgame, but affairs and sexual assault are running rampant in the Church. Part of the reason why it keeps happening is that the leaders of churches and denominations aren’t holding people responsible for their actions and are instead covering it up. This communicates to others that they can do it, too, without consequences.

Caleb Flynn’s State of Mind

Caleb stating that he was trying to figure out how to take out his wife without going to jail or would do it if he knew he could and not go to hell paints a very important picture of his heart and state of mind during this time.

He deceived himself. He’s not truly serving the Lord. He’s not living in relationship with God at all. Well, he deceived himself into believing that’s what he was doing. He thought the rules protected him and his standing with God. But relationship with God is never about the rules alone. (Let’s set aside the fact for a moment that he was breaking them in secret anyway).

He was trying to find a way around the consequences of some very dark desires. He wasn’t seeking God; he was seeking out his own fleshly desires. The power of lust and infatuation with his mistress was so strong (because he continued to give in to every temptation, so it just grew) that it led him down a dark path. He walked this path by choice. No doubt the Holy Spirit convicted him many times. But the more he ignored Him, the fainter His voice and convictions became. Until he conscience was seared and he was handed over to his own desires.

The Mistress

I know there is more surrounding the mistress but since she’s not on trial, the focus isn’t so much on her responses as they are his. However, it’s not hard to see that she is controlling and manipulative. In one text to his mistress, he says she gets upset when he doesn’t respond right away to her texts or in the way she wants. He apologizes to her A LOT.

She’s having an affair with a married man and gets “hurt” and “upset” when they go for an anniversary cruise? If their marriage was in the dumps, they would not have spent so much money to celebrate their anniversary. I’m so curious to know what life actually looked like inside his home.

How Words and Hatred Darkened Their Hearts

Thoughts and words have power. The fact that he constantly told his mistress how much he hated his wife and called her awful names fed his heart a narrative over and over and over again.

I believe part of the reason he did this was to appease his mistress so she believed he not only didn’t have feelings for his wife anymore, but that he loathed her so much, she didn’t have to worry about him “acting” married to her. But I also believe this was a deflection, for his mistress too. Because they made it a competition back and forth over who hated her more. Furthermore, they talked about how much they hated her because she was in the way of their happiness and freedom.

This darkened their hearts over time. People often wonder how a good man (or woman) can do such awful acts; this is how. It’s a slow fade of compromise, self-talk, and selfish desires. He didn’t hate his wife because of anything she did or didn’t do. He hated her because she stood in the way of something (or someone) he desperately wanted.

She was an obstacle to them and their future. And that’s why the hate for her grew. But what it really was was that they hated themselves and put that on her instead. They hated what they were doing because they knew it was wrong and the damage that would be done if they were exposed. All that was put onto the wife because she was the obstacle.

The mistress was part of the evil just as much as he was. She fed it. She controlled so much. And their relationship was so often focused on how to get rid of his wife; it became this bigger weight. They wanted to be together so badly, they didn’t care how it happened.

Waiting on a “Yes” From Jesus

One of the texts mentions Caleb Flynn waiting on a “yes from Jesus” about their relationship and they hadn’t gotten it yet. Spoiler alert: you never will. The Bible is clear about faithfulness in marriage. That was your answer. God doesn’t make exceptions to His Word because you think He sympathizes with your situation. This is how people allow their feelings to run away with them.

Pushing God Out

He admitted in a text that he let go of the Lord in every area of his life because he knew He wouldn’t allow his mistress a place in his life. HE KNEW. When he cut God out of his life and his decisions, it allowed his flesh, the enemy, and every evil thing to take over. When you push God out, darkness takes His place. He knew it wasn’t ok. He didn’t like that answer, so he ignored it by pushing God out.

It’s interesting to me that they exchange texts talking about praying about what the Lord speaks to them regarding a plan for moving forward in their relationship. If they truly knew the Lord, how did they think He would answer with something contrary to His Word? They were completely delusional, and watching the mistress testify and read her own words through tears, it’s like she woke up from her delusion and deceit. Yeah, she regrets it all now because the whole world is watching. When you are in secret sin, there’s a false sense of security.

Why Accountability Matters

This is why being part of a church body and having accountability matters. It protects you. It protects the Church. Yeah, you will have to let go of something your flesh wants but isn’t that better than what hell you’d end up living as a consequence?

Caleb Flynn admitted through texts to his mistress that he had blocked God’s voice out of every other area of his life because he was trying to silence the spiritual warnings he got about the affair. This is really important to understand. Even I have often asked, “How do these supposied men of God fall so hard”? This is how. Compromise. Pushing God away. Justification. Deceit. Tiny choices that add up and turn into huge consequences. That’s how sin works.

Denying the Flesh and the Lies Told

This is what it means to deny the flesh. Sin promises you your desires and removes you from reality. He truly believed that killing her was a better and easier route than divorce in order to protect their reputations.

All the text messages from Caleb Flynn about how he was so cold toward his wife, never touching her, talking to her, going near her etc are lies. If he acted that way toward her, she would recognize it and talk about it to people. It would show up in her demeanor. Their girls would notice, especially the eldest daughter. They wouldn’t have gone on an anniversary cruise if Caleb were that distant from her. It was all lies.

Temptations happen to us all. Even in healthy marriages, they can happen. Affairs don’t only tempt unhappy spouses. It’s up to us how we handle those temptations. God always offers us a way out. However, when we entertain it and feed the temptation, it grows. When we justify our reasons, it’s easier to give in. When we deceive ourselves, we step inside a world of delusion that we create. The secrecy makes it feel safe and valid because the only other person you are communicating with about the affair will agree with you.

Love vs. Infatuation and Limerence

An affair is never formed from love. Never. People believe it’s love but love does not work that way. Love does not — it cannot by its nature — delight in evil. It must rejoice in truth. Because love seeks the wellbeing of all. Feelings are irrelevant.

Infatuation and obsession are often disguised as love because their feelings are so strong. And that’s how love often gets confused. Love isn’t an emotion. It’s a state of being.

What they had was like this toxic emeshement or limerence. Limerence is a term I recently learned about and it means an extreme, obsessive stage of limerence where the intense infatuation completely consumes both individuals, making them blind to reality, ethics, and consequences. (Per Google).

The Home Invasion and the Mistress’ Motives

She wanted him to sacrifice everything for her but was unwilling to do the same for him. She wanted him to protect her and her reputation at all costs while he allegedly lost everything. I wonder if that was his motivation for ultimately staging this home invasion and attack. To protect the reputation of his mistress.

They described so well just how damaging divorce can be.

The distortion of scripture throughout their texts is crazy. Believing they have a Job story. What?! The delusion runs deep.

Love Didn’t Prevail

In the end, watching the trial, love didn’t prevail. Because it wasn’t love. It was lust. Infatuation. Adreniline. Emotional. Deception. Love and deception cannot coexist. Ultimately, they ended up despising each other because love cannot exist inside of a deceitful relationship. Everyone was hurt in the end. Their hidden relationship reached beyond them to taking Ashely’s life, robbing her family and friends of her, hurting the church, and affecting how people see Jesus. As consequences would have it, it hurt them both in the end as well. This will follow them for the rest of their lives.

If this trial does anything, I pray it wakes people up.