Christin Slade

It only seems fitting to start my first entry with how behind I feel everyday.

Yes, this is a lament, a bit of a vent. I’m choosing to believe that all life-changing moments begin here — at least, I’ve read it enough times.

Why write out raw thoughts for the Internet to read? Well, because everything is too polished these days and I actually think it’s stifling creativity and authenticity.

This space allows me to share my raw thoughts without the burden of heavy editing or overthinking. And sharing upfront that it’s unpolished will hopefully manage your expectations.

I have no problem with polished work but as a blogger and writer, with the onset of AI, I don’t think it’s that important anymore.

So, I have ideas. Yet, it almost feels as if my purpose is just out of reach.

I’m 45 years old. I’ve been homeschooling and raising my kids for the past 24 years. I only have one left to graduate. It is such a bittersweet season. My time is open and it feels like I’m just wasting it waiting for something.

I want to launch a business but I’m afraid of so many things—which I know is a tale as old as time for entrepreneurs.

I have a love-hate relationship with social media. I love how it brings people and ideas together. It for sure has its pros. But over-scrolling can bring on anxiety, discontentment, and comparison. I keep wondering if that’s really where I’m supposed to be sharing the message God gave me, but He keeps bringing me back to: Yes. It’s where the people are.

And when I watch long enough, I realize all the advice, on anything, is conflicting. Which only proves there’s no solid formula, and instincts matter more than I think.

So my brain dump for today is about feeling stuck.

I feel like I’m standing in the middle of an array of roads to take, and I don’t know which one to choose. So instead of taking the journey, I’m just not moving.

I worry about stepping into an oversaturated, over-marketed, over-materialized world.

I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid no one will be interested in my style of the things I want to create. I wonder if they’re even needed.

I’m afraid of people coming after me for having different beliefs than them. People are mean on social media. Like, I truly believe they are their true selves in the comment section because there’s no one to hold them accountable for their words. There are no consequences to them.

I’m afraid of my ambitions becoming an idol. This is probably one of the biggest things that has kept me stuck. I’ve seen too many stories. I don’t want to pretend that I’m somehow above that type of temptation and it’s usually a slow fade. So making certain my relationship with God comes first is my utmost priority.

But something else I’m afraid of (wow…I’m just getting extremely vulnerable here), is being invisible. Of having this gift of a life and wasting it by keeping the talents God has given me to myself because I allowed fear to dictate my life.

I’m definitely getting to a point where the fear of standing still is beginning to outweigh the fear of moving. And I don’t mean being still. That’s a whole other topic.

Don’t worry, not every entry will be a brain dump. Sometimes I just need to get honest about where I’m at so I know how to move forward. And honestly? I’ve been stuck for several years. Writing it out helps bring so much clarity. Maybe that’s something you need, too?

Xoxo,

Christin