Encouraging moms to savor the beauty of home & life in Christ

Adoption Isn’t All Warm and Fuzzy

Christin Slade Avatar

When we met our girls, it wasn’t a fireworks moment. It wasn’t filled with tears of happiness and joy and lots of hugs. It wasn’t an emotionally charged rite of passage at all. Christina, who’s about 8, was timid. Being shy certainly isn’t a bad thing. I’ve had shy children who have blossomed. But it took every day we were there to chip away at the wall she had built up for whatever reason. It could simply be personality or a coping mechanism. We were assured that her shyness existed before we ever did, so the behavior wasn’t unusual.

Many adoptive families share about the first moments with their children being picture perfect with hugs and smiles. I spent our first moments with C in an awkward stoop trying to see her face and think of something comforting to say.

I was just as nervous as she was.

Margaret had a pretty outgoing personality. She would make goofy faces for the camera and laugh and kind of play “hard to get.” Which was again confirmed by the orphanage workers was her normal self.

When we hugged the girls, they would stiffen. Not sure if this is personal or cultural or simply a lack of attachment issue. Some days I left very encouraged by some of the progress we made, especially with Christina. But a day or two I left very discouraged and worried about bringing the girls to a new country.

I learned that subconsciously, I myself am holding back a bit–and maybe for the same reason Christina is…I’m afraid to become attached and then lose them. But I worry for them as well.

I don’t expect the transition from an orphanage to a family–from a third-world country to the U.S.–to be an easy transition. Not at all.

And what I’m remembering about love, is that it is not an emotion. So just because I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy inside about how things are progressing does not mean I don’t love these girls. Oh how I love them. It’s the action of love that is love itself. It’s in the sacrifice that love shines through.

The best way to understand God’s word is to live it. And I’m beginning to understand Romans 12:1 in a whole new way:

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship.” (NIV1984)

There is such an overwhelming peace and comfort walking in God’s will–even when you don’t understand everything or have all the answers. I couldn’t think of a better way to live my life than to lay it down for others.

That doesn’t necessarily mean to go run out in front of a car to save someone else’s life (though that could be included!). But instead, lay down the life you are living to help someone else. There are a million different ways to do this, and this is what God has specifically called us to do in this season.

So, while I don’t have endless amounts of butterflies in my stomach, I do have endless amounts of peace from God on the path He has called us to. God is teaching me about a deeper kind of love and it gives me a small glimpse into His love for us.

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Christin Slade Avatar
  1. Nadia Avatar
    Nadia

    Don’t be discouraged. You are amazing and things will happen in HIS time and in his way. Look how far the Lord has guided you. <3

  2. Natasha Metzler Avatar

    Beautifully said. So excited about what God is doing for you, your family and for these two darlings. <3

  3. Miriam Trevillian Avatar
    Miriam Trevillian

    I’ve been following your journey. You have such wise insights and I love how you’re following God’s leading. I look forward to adoption some day. Thank you for including us in the process!

  4. Beth Avatar
    Beth

    We first met our little girl on the day we picked her up to take her home. We live in South Africa and had a 6 hour drive to get our little girl. It was such a surreal experience – to take a little baby that you have just met and drive away from the Safe House (orphanage) with her. We trusted that God had led us down this path and that He would give us the bond and the love needed to make her our daughter. It happened! It was quicker for me than for my husband. Little A is almost 4 now and oh what a blessing she is to our family! I’m so excited for you!

  5. Rosann Avatar
    Rosann

    Loved reading this, Christin. I’m sure once you have them home with you things will start to make more sense and you’ll get to know their personalities a lot better. I know several families in my area who have adopted from overseas and those children are completely thriving now. It is a process, but God is so good. He will not leave you alone in this journey.

  6. Melissa Smallwood Avatar

    Realizing that love isn’t all warm and fuzzy and neither is adoption is why God chose you to be their mama! You have realistic expectations and they are going to thrive with your love and attention! So happy for you!

  7. Dana@DeathbyGreatWall Avatar
    Dana@DeathbyGreatWall

    Are you familiar with Empowered to Connect? It’s a great website with so many resources for adopting kids from hard places. I think that term applies to any older child adoption. I’m glad you’re sharing honestly on your blog because it helps other people have realistic expectations. Excited about your adoption journey!

    1. Christin Avatar

      I have not heard of Empowered to Connect. Thank you for sharing, I’ll go check it out now. 🙂

  8. Karin Madden Avatar
    Karin Madden

    Christin, what a beautiful journey. Just this week I have come across Roman 12:1 again and again. It is an encouragement to read about your journey through adoption as you and your family offer yourselves as living sacrifices. God bless you and your beautiful growing family as you find your “new normal.”

    1. Christin Avatar

      Thank you Karin…even now I’m preparing. Paring down on my online responsibilities to make room for new growth. 🙂 It’s refreshing.

  9. Stephanie Kay Avatar

    Thank you for sharing honestly about your emotions during your adoption process. I’m sure the adjustments for your family aren’t going to happen overnight. Praying as God goes before you in this journey.

  10. Ashley Ditto Avatar

    Praying for you and your journey. I think you are an amazing woman, Christin!

    Ashley from This Southern GIrl’s Heart

  11. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Thank you for sharing with us about your adoption process. We currently sponsor a little girl in Ghana, and see what a need is there for compassionate Christian support. How encouraging it is to see God call wonderful families like yours to adopt these dear children. May God bless you and these two little girls as you grow together as a family!

  12. S K Avatar
    S K

    My heart fills with joy hearing adoption journeys. We have adopted 3 and look forward to seeing God’s plan for the future. I notice in the picture the little girl has her hand slightly over yours, what a precious moment. It’s those little things that I think so many overlook and they truly add up to be the big moments. <3

  13. KM Logan @lessonsfromivy Avatar
    KM Logan @lessonsfromivy

    Praying for you and your precious girls! I’m not sure how many adoptive parents/families you’re around but one tradition I always thought was sweet was celebrating the “gotcha” day every year like you would a birthday. My husband’s family didn’t do that however because his “gotcha” day was his brothers birthday so that just wouldn’t have worked out : )

  14. Tresta @ sharppaynes.com Avatar

    Thank you for acknowledging the struggles. Yes, it’s not all warm and fuzzy, and yes, it’s love even without butterflies. I am praying for the adjustments all of you are making, and praying for wisdom for you and your husband as you develop these new relationships. Many blessings on your home!

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