Can I Really Do This? {on adoption}

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As our adoption continues to progress at a pretty decent pace (we are at the top of the list now for a referral), sometimes my heart has tried betraying me into thinking,

“Can you really do this?”

“Are you sure the timing is right?”

Fear has attempted to cripple me more than once. There have been numerous times I have started a post to share an update, but left it incomplete. How do I share of what I do not yet know?

All I know right now is anticipation, timeline,s and lots of paperwork. Actually, it reminds me a lot of being pregnant. The emotions are quite similar. There’s excitement yet uncertainty. God has already moved in unexpected ways but His peace is so great, we know it’s Him.

My years of learning patience have seemed to pay off in this process. I don’t have any anxiety or impatient notions toward the process at all. I’m sure that’s in part to the fact that I have five children already and they keep me pretty busy as it is.

It’s funny–I think our mentality is quick to think that we are “rescuing some poor child from impoverished conditions”, but honestly? I think it is so much more than that. A person’s material possessions is not what makes them rich or poor. Perhaps I’m the one who’s actually poor. Maybe these children will actually be saving me from something? Myself? My own dependency on comfort and an overstuffed belly–constantly?

Adoption has a much greater purpose than the escape of material poverty.Caring for the basics needs of humanity is a beginning. In fact, it’s a foundational act of love as a Christian. It should be the very least thing that we do — it may not be in the form of adoption, but there are plenty of ways to care for the poor.

Giving and caring for the poor, the orphans, and the widows is not just answering a call, but a command. The very thought of giving into my fears and halting the adoption where we stand only puts a deeper unrest in my spirit.

I read the stories of others who have adopted before me and how the transition is going in their family and I wonder if I can really do this? Why do I want to upset this perfect little family thing we have going on?

Because we were never meant to live a life of comfort; and being this comfortable is making me very uncomfortable. God has put in us a stirring for something greater than ourselves and to ignore it leaves me very unsettled.

And all these feelings of fear and inadequacy and thoughts of discomfort are fleeting. They do not last. But they try to taunt me. They laugh at me and poke at me. But I continue on because I know God is bigger then them and bigger than me.

We aren’t adopting to fill some void in our lives. I couldn’t even tell you at this point all the reasons we are adopting because God simply hasn’t unveiled everything yet! But I trust Him. And this is where the faith walk comes in–because though I don’t know what lies ahead, I know He goes before me.

The obvious reasons are that we want to love a child who needs to be loved and provide for them their basic needs. We want to show Jesus to them and only He can meet them where they need it most. We are simply His vessels.

Can I really do this?

No. But He can.

Comments

  1. Praying for you and the process as I read this…that you will sense His love, lean into His strength, and know His joy in a whole new, deeper way through this journey.

    “God is graciously involved in adoptions. He has done it Himself. He knows what it costs. And He stands ready to support us all the way to the end.” ~John Piper

  2. Christin, I’m so excited for you and so glad too! You are going to be wonderful and it will be hard. But the Father who is an expert at adoption will help you every step of the way! Praying huge doses of faith and strength for you, today. You rock! ;-)

  3. Exquisite perspective on adoption. Hugs

  4. You know, I can’t think of anything in this life that has taught me more about the heart of God than adoption. I understand more fully the beauty and truth behind redemption now. I understand being willing to lay it all down for heart that doesn’t even know you, let alone love you. I understand yearning for someone that is so far away it doesn’t even feel like you live on the same planet, and being willing to leave all you know just to hold them.

    And then God gently nudges me … if *I* feel that way, how much more does HE? His heart for “my” child is greater than my own. And He is trusting me with her care. How can I then doubt that His grace will be more than I need?

    Praying for you!

  5. Laura Cameron says:

    Good perspective. We adopted special needs boys from China in the past 3 years, and WOW, what a blessing! Was it hard at times? Oh yes. Did I question my sanity at times? Yes. Would I do it all again? YES! God does not call us to utmost comfort. You will find through adoption, you will truly feel alive for the first time.

  6. Christin, This post is awesome. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspectives. My husband and I have talked about being open to adopting since the beginning of our marriage. When we started growing our family, I had 3 miscarriages in a row, so we thought adoption might be closer than we thought. But then we were blessed with three biological daughters. My pregnancies were complicated and two of our girls needed time in the NICU and some minor ongoing care after birth. Because of all this, we decided that our last daughter would be our last child. For me, thoughts of adopting grew further and further away. I was to the point most recently where I figured that we likely wouldn’t ever actively pursue adopting, but *if* God ever laid a special circumstance in our path, we may consider it. Out of the blue, today, I got an email from an acquaintance at a large church who runs a support group for infertility (I’m on the email list) about an 8-year-old girl in Lithuania with mild special needs. Apparently, someone who lives about 30 min. from me adopted her best friend and the precious girls want to be close to one another. Her photo is so cute. And I can’t stop crying. I’ve been all over the web site where she’s listed and researching Lithuania and praying for Jesus’ help! (I don’t know what my husband’s feelings would be…I know neither of us were ever thinking of adopting internationally or a child with special needs. We certainly don’t have money set aside for this now…in fact, we’re currently house hunting!) This certainly wasn’t the time or circumstance we were thinking of. But I’m captivated by this girl. I’m on my face in prayer. I had to run to your blog because I have been semi-following your adoption story, so I know you can relate. I feel almost crazy, with tears streaming down my face and having this take over the rest of my day. I don’t know what else to do except pray. I don’t even know how to bring it up to my husband without him thinking I’m hormonal or something, and shrugging it off. Anyway, I’ll keep you & your girls in my prayers. I’m so excited for you!!!

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